As the Rain Falls

As the rain falls,

I sit and think

Think of all the things in my life

And wonder what I could make of it.

As the rain falls 

I go and dance

Reveling as the water hits my face

Feeling free

Feeling light,

Happy.

As the rain falls

My worries fall away with it,

Washing away the weight

That keeps me down.

As the rain falls

I smile

Because I am free

Because I am happy

As the rain falls

I dance 

For everything else is gone

Except

For the rain.

Blushing

Rose petals drift on the wind blushing pink as they swirl in their soft descent, Tiny and bruised, they curl up as if to protect their inner, velvet, scent... Yet it also escapes on the rays of the sun, A testament of where they now lay. Like myself, a woman in a fetal position, bruised yet so full of life, Waiting for the spirit inside to find its escape. It wonders like a roaming gypsy, laughing and dancing around the fire under a brilliant and full silver moon, Manic chants cast gleefully to the magic on the air, Creating new energies to revive. Its essence of what I am about, deep within, runs deep into the forest of hopes as too not be captured in a dying pose again. "She" likens herself to the roar and guttural purrs of a she-cat there, A black panther with green, heavy-lidded eyes stalking new realities, Ready for a new beginning, she awaits her prey, Feline, and stretching and relishing the hidden cover of the dark mists, and her green nest she now crouches in. Fast, she pounces and grabs with long, hooked claws to life as it tries to evade, stopping it to fulfill her desires. Her enchantment has won new sight over again, forever within her to once again become one with myself, the woman curled up like the rose petals, and too be a part of me again. A new rosebud with its blushing pink petals, hold strong within the grasp of its newborn hull. Strong and reborn from the old, the seeds of the past, Yet still soft and appealing to open again to a new day.

Bitter Remembrances

I had wished not to outlast this, but I have survived~
Searched coast to coast for my end, but
(I'm still alive)
Don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know there is
(nowhere left for me to hide)~
Only still I am forced to face it head on, begging it to consume me,
Instead I consume it in a matter of short time
(not short enough of time)
And it becomes a part of me, I will overcome every challenge I
intentionally had made
(except those with a purpose)
Made to destroy myself, immortality and nocturnity be the curse I
endure through
(Misanthropic flames)
I am the (Shadow), the night time shade, through sickness and
depression stand alone in the glade~
(once beautiful and green)
Scars on my wrists from an idle blade, my joy & physical health are
the only things that have been maimed
(now dead and dying with no hope)
But not enough to put an end to this (undesired survival), I am
consistently denied by the grim reaper~
(bastard that he is)
Watching the dissolving of all my favorite lovers, this accursed
life I fear, will never be over
(immortality is highly overrated)
Someday, after my four hundredth & seventy third birthday, after I
had spent those years a freelance rover~
(never to know true love)
And have done whatever I must in the name of survival, my
grandchildren nine times great, will then begin to wither
(insides and outside turning back into undesirable flesh)
I (dissolve in tears), eternal youth, yet my insides have all
decayed~
I do not wish to overcome any of these obstacles
(I myself had made)

Self Denial

....................

I so long to say those three stupid, loaded words. I yearn to tell you the truth.
But I cannot. Will not.

There's someone else for you. Another who holds you heart. In time I will come to accept that, but right now the pain is just too deep. A steady slow ache that blossoms from this empty breast.

My heart is gone, given to you in secret, left behind quietly, hidden away so you won’t notice it. So you will unknowingly carry it with you always.

I try to be there for you, to be everything you need from me. Simply that, nothing more, nothing less. But it is hard. It hurts. Knowing I am right in front of you and you do not see me stings, bruises my ego and breaks my heart.

Maybe I only feel for you because you were there to fill a gap, to make me smile and help put plasters on my heart. I never anticipated you leaving an enduring mark. Never thought you would leave an imprint of your lips upon my delicate heart.

But you did, and I can't help but wonder if the cruel Gods of fate laugh at me and mock my never ending bad luck.

I want you, yet I know you will never be mine.

You asked if I knew how it felt to have my heart broken. I said no, while whispering in my head, I sighed yes, as once again the image of your face haunted me.

I want to forget your face, I want to erase these feelings, but know that I cannot, and know that even if I could I would not. For no matter how heavy the burden of my pain, I will treasure the tender moments I have with you, and vainly hope that maybe one day, instead of seeing her, you'll see me.

By then it will be too late and I will be grateful for the time I did have.